Being unemployed and living at home, things can sometimes get a little monotonous. A typical routine looks something like breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, and post-lunch snack all interspersed with things like gazing longingly out the window, dodging disapproving looks from your parents, and watching reality television on Bravo. Oh, and applying to jobs. Right.
To celebrate our 101st post, we’re posting an unpublished blog from our early stages of unemployment: The Unemployment Drinking Game. Because let’s be real here, nothing makes you want to drink more than being unemployed and living at home. Since we came up with this months ago when we were still unemployed, this post can’t hurt our now-employed status…right?
1ST EDITION: APPLYING TO JOBS
DRINK (or pig out on dessert, because this is a food blog after all) EVERY TIME:
An entry-level job requires 2+ years of experience.
This is one of the most frustrating aspects of the job search. How am I supposed to get experience when I can’t even fit the requirements of an entry level position?
You have to manually type the entire contents of your resume onto an application. And then attach your resume.
I guess it’s too difficult to actually read my resume.
You include “To Whom It May Concern” in a cover letter.
When was the last time you had someone’s actual name and position you could include on the cover letter?
If you receive an email from a no-reply or autoreply address that confirms your application has been received.
Ok so the company actually confirmed your application was received! But what if you want more information on the positon or want to talk to someone in HR?
If you receive a rejection via email for a job you applied to months ago that you completely forgot about.
Even with an Excel sheet dedicated to the organization of 70+ job applications, the likelihood that I will remember a random application is low. However, let me just say how much I do appreciate a response. It’s much better than waiting and still thinking you might have a chance.
If a rejection email/phone call says “we will retain your information for future positions that may be a better match for your background and qualifications.”
HA. That’s funny.
FINISH YOUR DRINK EVERY TIME:
You actually talk to a human in HR during the application process. Like that will ever happen… (But if you do finally reach an HR representative, chug until they take you off of hold.
You spend a significant time working on an application, actually get it, and then realize it’s unpaid/volunteer.
You realize there’s a typo in your cover letter/resume after you’ve sent it.
(Obviously this is a joke folks. But always remember to drink/eat responsibly!)